Chapter 138 - I loved you...

“Get on.”

“What?”

“We will get on it.”

“……and it’ll just be under us?”

“If this guy listens to Iz, then yes. He literally became his father, so if it has any shame, it will show him its back. Plus aren’t we also going to find the Duchess that it likes so much?”

Ivan, who spewed out this reason, was dressed like Izek.

It was the same with Camu.

Galar, Ruve and Ezekiel were also wearing the same uniform.

Therefore, everyone felt a little cold.

“I wonder how much bigger it has become. Did you see it?”

“No. But I gotta say, you look good in this.”

“Thank you. But why are we wearing this? Come to think of it, aren’t we representing the temple, not the royal family?”

“Are the men who represent the temple going to destroy the city? And the royal representative as well.”

Ivan, who responded by lighting a leaf cigarette, glanced at his friend.

Izek was comforting Griffin, who seemed to have felt that Ruby had disappeared.

An anxious Popori ran frantically around them.

“Why do you look so bad?”

“……Po, po…”

“Because the Duchess is missing. How many times do I have to say this?”

“Purung, Purung…….”

Were they talking to him, or were their eyes mistaking him for jewels?

Longinus’s minority elite turned to Rom’s cave entrance.

Izek spoke to them.

“It’s not there.”

“…what?”

“It must be eating something up there. Isn’t that a wyvern area, why is it taking so long? If it endured this much, shouldn’t it be more powerful?”

It was only expected after he had suffered that much.

Izek, who was exhausted to the max, had even peeled off its skin, almost torn to death by the dragon.

To make matters worse, he stayed to its side day after day even when the dragon didn’t recognise its benefactor who kept feeding it.

Camu felt it was right to give up on the lizard, who probably didn’t recollect Izek’s actions.

It was then that Izek turned his eyes irritably. A shadow loomed over them.

His hair fluttered at the magnificent flapping of wings.

Standing side by side for a while and looking up at the sky, a small number of paladins raised their thumbs all at once to the true child-rearing craftsman in the north, who was the only one looking elsewhere.

* * *

Even if Cesare didn’t mean to, the Pope’s condition was getting worse.

I could tell by looking at him.

The number of times he regained consciousness gradually decreased, and he barely ate any food.

He was losing hair as well.

At the same time, he still looked for my mother when he saw me and said words that I couldn’t understand.

“Carmen… Carmen…….”

I stood by the window a little away from the bed and looked at him.

The pope, who was clearly ill and couldn’t even open his eyes properly, spoke roughly.

He was dying. He was really dying.

The fact that there was not much time left was obvious to me, who had little medical knowledge.

“Please forgive me… I… I… Carmen….”

I thought maybe even in his last moments, he wouldn’t recognize me.

After that thought, my mouth felt bitter.

I didn’t know why.

“I loved you… And… And your child…”

“…….”

“I loved the child, too…Because she looked exactly like you… But….”

Oh, is this about me?

It feels weird to listen to me like this.

“That child is yours… But the fact that she was not my child… It was so painful…….”

“…….”

“The child you left behind… Carmen… please forgive me…I loved that childd.…. And hated. her…. Until the end….”

Love and hate……?

The father and son are both equally twisted.

Do they not get tired?

Haa, are people who seem to shake the world when they’re alive, all the same when they die?

So weak. Why was he even doing this anyway…

“I’m sorry, Carmen…The child… She looked like you, but she was different… That’s why I loved her… And hated her…. Nevertheless, always… she was always the light in the corner of my heart… ”

“…….”

“Her beauty is… That’s how… That’s how great her beauty is. Please, please…… Please forgive me… Now, she’s…… I may never see her again, but…….”

That’s right, I’ll never see you again, Father.

The Pope then calmed down for a moment.

Just in time, a knock rang and Lady Adela came in.

As usual, she quietly bowed to me, came up to me, examined the bed, and began to change the quilt.

There were also maids, so why did she do it herself?

“You don’t look good, Ruby.”

“…me?”

“Don’t care about what he says. I don’t know what he’s talking about, but… There’s no point in paying attention to what you say to the dead.”

I know that. More than that, I…

“Adela, did you hear what happened in the North?”

“What?”

She should have known that Enzo died as long as Cesare announced my divorce, but I was not sure if she was just pretending to be calm or really calm.

“No, nothing. Why don’t you go somewhere else for a while? Somewhere calm.”

“…What’s wrong with you all of a sudden?”

Ah? I just decided not to say anything anymore.

Adela, who was staring at me with an unknown look, suddenly asked.

“Ruby… Do you know what happened to Enzo?”

“What?”

“You’ve been acting like a stranger all along since you’ve been here, and I was wondering if you had anything to do with it.”

“What do you mean related to me?”

“Is it your big brother’s fault?”

What do you mean?

It was a little unexpected, but it was perhaps a foreboding, considering that this gentle-looking wife was the mother of Cesare and Enzo and the person who had known the Pope for the longest time.

“I think you’d better ask your son yourself.”

“What do you mean when you said earlier that why don’t I go somewhere else…? Is that why you said it?”

“…I guess so. Honestly, it’s not like you don’t know why you’re sitting down like this, right? I’m just saying it because I don’t know what you want.”

More than that, I said it because it was obvious that she will be removed when her son takes over.

Adela’s complexion was grim, but there was no surprising change in her expression.

She quietly dropped her head, lost in thought, appearing like a static painting style.

She’s already given up?

Is she someone who knows enough to know that it’s useless no matter what she expresses, so she’s just used to quietly picking herself up?

Or is she just good at not showing anything?

“Thank you for your concern, Ruby… But where would I go without him?”

“What?”

“I’m not going anywhere. Either way, he’s my only son.”

Her light brown eyes were determined.

One way or the other, Cesare must have been nice to her.

“…You can do as you please. It’s none of my business.”

Either way, there was nowhere else to go.

As was the case with everyone.

We were all stray lambs with nowhere to go…

“You must hate him a lot.”

“There’s nothing to hate, nothing I can do.”

“That sounds scarier.”

“It’s none of Lady Rudbeckia’s business. Leave me alone.”

“I’m not trying to blame you. I said it because I liked to see you when you felt more natural before.”

“… what about Lady Julia?”

“She doesn’t know what to do because of the Pope being this way. I’ll be here, but I don’t know what will happen in the future, so I’ll have to let Julia go somewhere else, as you say.”

If the Pope died like this, what would Cesare do with Julia, who was conceiving his half-brother?

That would be what Julia was most worried about.

That was the end of the conversation.

After she went out again, I still stayed there.

From a distance, a slow bell rang and mixed into the heavy breathing of the Pope.

I didn’t know why I was trying to watch his death.

Was it because there’s nothing else to do?

Likewise, after delivering the Holy Grail to Cardinal Lacroix, who was said to be under surveillance, I had been almost imprisoned in the house since that day.

(T/N: I thought I missed out this scene but I double checked, they seemed to have skipped this.)

Exactly since the afternoon on the balcony.

Whenever I stayed still, I kept thinking of my husband, but I tried not to do it as much as possible.

It was because it was painful while there was nothing I could do.

I didn’t even pray that I could see him safely again.

I already knew that praying was useless.

If something went wrong and I could never see him again…

“Sorry… I’m sorry… forgive me… .”

He didn’t even get tired.

That was the only thing he said every time he woke up.

He must have committed a lot of crimes, but there were too many things for him to be sorry for in the world.

The bell rang again after a brief pause.

The harsh breath uttered by the Pope also sounded distant.

I decided to give up on this.

Waiting to watch his death.

Why did I even have to see it, it’d happen anytime soon anyway.

“I’m ashamed …. But… I’m… worried….”

That’s what you do when you’re alive, whether apologizing or worrying.

And you do it when we’re together.

Everything is meaningless now.

How meaningless? You can tell that just by knowing your own son killed you.

So goodbye anytime, Father.

I can’t wish you good luck.

Please let’s not meet again in my next life.