Chapter 137 - Uncle, p-please help me

“What is this, you ask? It’s a damn mess. And now what do you want me to do?”

If only I was the only victim of all the crazy things you’ve done.

If only I was the only one who was caught up in your crazy emotional play and bled, if you’d realized and quit before it was too late.

If so, it might have been enough for me not to see you again for the rest of my life.

I might not have wanted your death so intensely.

For Rudbeckia, who gave me a new life, you showed up when the young her was suffering alone, saving her.

The fragments of those innocent days were visible to me occasionally.

Maybe we could have let it go with a few good memories and said goodbye to each other forever.

On the balcony of the afternoon when the silence fell, there was nothing more to say.

I put down my glass and got up and left the monster fighting his own thoughts.

* * *

The dangling bells of the temple rang everywhere.

It was the sound of bells at noon.

Even though the country was in a state of turmoil inside and outside, the weather was indifferently clear.

A clear winter afternoon’s sunshine pierced the stained glass ceiling and illuminated the castle built on a huge wall.

St Agnes with a lamb.

Looking up at it, Freya stood motionless.

Holding hands tightly as if they were stuck in a nail, or as if they were praying.

The moment someone slowly approached the absent-minded her from behind and put his hand on her shoulder, she was so surprised that she half-screamed.

“Why are you so surprised? What’s there to be surprised about?”

“…….”

“Frey? You look pale. What’s the matter?”

Concern filled the archbishop’s eyes, as he asked in his usual friendly tone.

Freya only looked at him more absent-mindedly for a long time.

The Archbishop of the Temple of Elendale and her uncle, a man whom she had known all her life from the time of birth.

“…Uncle.”

“Yes, dear. What’s the matter?”

“I’ve told them everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“At that time… the day of St. Agnes’s celebration. I told the whole truth, to the Omertas.”

The archbishop said nothing for a moment.

The voice that rang after a moment was still calm and gentle.

“Yes, as expected.”

“I’m sorry, I…”

“No, well done. It can’t be helped if it keeps your conscience at bay. I also didn’t listen to my conscience and ended up causing this.”

A sincere reply. Not a single blame.

Her purple eyes slowly filled with tears in his endlessly friendly and warm comfort.

“Frey? Ah, you. Don’t cry. It’s a good thing if you feel guilty. All of us….”

“Uncle, p-please help me.”

“Whatever can I do…”

“I want to enter the monastery, uncle. Please help me pledge whether my parents object or not.”

The archbishop’s eyes, which had been gentle all the time, became stiff this time.

On the other hand, Freya’s side was becoming more and more tearful.

“What kind of a request is that all of a sudden? I’d rather eat magic stones, why would you….”

“I, I saw clearly how Gonfalonier died. Right in front of my eyes, falling into my arms. I knew for the first time that such a terrible thing could happen.”

“That’s… No, was he so important to you?”

“No, neither he nor I thought so. He was just a person who liked to play a lot, a person who’s fun to be with. That’s what I thought….”

Tears poured down from her mesmerising eyes.

Freya swallowed the tears and stammered on.

“I feel like I am going crazy even though we just had that kind of relationship. I’ve never had this terrible feeling. There’s never been such a terrible time, such a sad time, and there’s so much anger that I want to kill the one who made him that way.”

“Even so, my dear, it’s not your fault….”

“Do you know how he died? He fell into my arms, and died instantly. Bleeding all over, from every inch. How much blood… That’s when I realized what I did that day, that holiday. How the people around me felt about what I did as a prank, when I wanted to give someone a hard time. My family, my friends… I even realized what I really did to the Duchess.”

Her pale face was remorseful.

The archbishop’s face grew more serious.

“…It is my fault, dear. It’s all my fault. I should have stopped you. I should have known since you were young that you would refuse instead of just listening…”

“No, it’s not your fault! It’s all my fault. I did it because I wanted to. This painful feeling that I feel right now is the price of what I’ve done. I don’t have the will to go back to the old days. I won’t be able to go back anyway, but I’m not confident in living shamelessly as if it’s nothing. So help me for the last time.”

“Stop saying horrible things! Don’t try to punish yourself too much. You’re still young and there’s a lot to learn. There are many things to experience. Whatever mistake you make, you’re the daughter of the Furiana family. No one looks down on you! It’s ridiculous to throw it all away and to be a nun at this prime age!”

He gave a firm and stern remark.

Nevertheless, Freya did not back down.

“If he hadn’t died like that, and I never pulled that antic, I might have been able to continue living as before. But neither can be forgotten. Do you remember the day I told you that I had a big fight with the Duchess when I confessed?”

“I remember, but….”

“You remember everything I said then, right? I saw her being beaten in the room of the mirrors, blood all over her. And what her big brother did to her before that. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through there, being forced to go back like that. To a man who killed her brother, making him die in that manner, all the while treating his sister worse than an animal….”

“Dear…”

“You still don’t understand? I’m saying I’m a horrible person. He’s no different from me. I just realized that. It’s not me accepting the death of a man whom I was genuinely attracted to for a moment. What did I do to her, I finally understood it. And even using my brother… Did you know that he gave up his Paladin dream because of me? That he refuses to accept the person he’s admired since he was a child…?”

“Y-You don’t know what will happen in the future, so maybe after a little more time…”

“No, even so, I cannot bear to live on in this world, not without repenting everyday. Please help me.”

“I said no! Aren’t you a child who once dreamed of becoming the mother of a country? A brighter future exists in the future, but like this…”

“At this rate, I might as well die alone. I can’t even imagine making friends or falling in love again. I’ve lived my whole life like an empty vessel. But when I finally realized it and tried to make it up, both of the people who helped me went away! Who am I supposed to apologise to? Who will I get married to? How can I live happily?!”

At last, the archbishop had no choice but to stare blankly at the woman who began to sob.

Standing on the wall opposite, the image of St Agnes cast a sad shadow over them.

Freya was still young.

There were still many days to live and experience.

Even if she was struggling now, one day…….

“If you swear to come back one day…”

“Uncle…”

“When the day comes when you change your mind, swear to come back. If you do, I’ll help you.”

Freya knelt down at her uncle’s feet and made a sign of the cross.

* * *

“I know that the road to Romagna is very long and rough.”

“So what?”

“… so what? Do you want to die on the way?”

“You must be scared.”

“He’s got a lot of fears.”

“Are you afraid again, Camu? I’m disappointed.”

Camu began to seriously think that all of these men were crazy. They all shook their heads disappointingly.

To make matters worse, did their head approve of this?

“I fully understand that you’re in a state where you’re angry, but does it make sense to go all the way there while tagging along a monster lizard?! What are we, emergency food?!”

“What are you talking about? Who the hell said that?”

“What? Then what are you going to do?”

Fortunately, there was still a line of reason left.

Izek, who was staring at Camu sighing in relief, brushed off his gloves loudly.

Ivan, noticing his annoyed manner, replied instead.