Chapter 131 - I never wanted that…

For a while, things went on like that, and then suddenly the queen sat up.

“Oh, by the way, you said you would go back to the Duke’s estate with the princess, right? I’ve already told them to prepare for it.”

I had to exert all my willpower not to glance at the curtain.

I wonder what she was thinking right now?

“I don’t know how to thank you enough for always taking care of the princess. I’m sure you’re a busy person, too, Duchess….”

“I do it because I like it. The princess is really lovely, too.”

I replied sincerely without thinking, but the queen, who had been playing with a plate of dried dates, suddenly stopped and stared at me.

She looked as if she had just remembered something and smiled again.

“My lady, do you like children?”

“Well, I’m not sure. I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Isn’t that true for everyone? I used to hate children too, but I changed after I had the princess.”

“Oh…”

“Have you ever thought about it? You’ll have children someday too, and since you’re overflowing with kindness already, how much more lovely will your child be?”

I was momentarily taken aback.

I had never really thought about having a child.

It had never occurred to me.

But the queen was right.

I was a Duchess from the Omerta family, and someday I would probably have a child.

With Izek…

“Have you ever imagined what your children would look like?”

I had tried to imagine it once.

But I felt very strange.

To think that I would bear Izek’s child in this world.

I never thought that there would be a day when I would have such moments in mind…

It might have been natural since I never truly received parental love.

Still, my heart was beating wildly.

I was imagining holding a child who looked just like him in my arms, running around in the garden, or blonde-haired children, and it made my heart race.

I didn’t even know why.

“It seems like you’re already happy just imagining it.”

A honey-like, enchanting whisper came from the queen.

I felt as if I was falling…

“Yes… I imagined a happy picture.”

“I don’t know what that picture is, but it seems like it’s something that can’t be replaced by anything, right?”

I could tell it was a natural thing.

I already knew.

The image of a child who looked like him, hanging onto his strong arms and playing around, just like his father.

What could replace that?

“Yes…”

“Then you’ll understand me, won’t you?”

Huh?

I blinked slowly.

The queen was still sitting there, looking at me unchanged.

Only her gentle smile was gone, replaced with a sorrowful yet resolute feeling.

“Queen? What is that…?”

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“What?”

What on earth is going on?

I was trying to stand up in this uneasy atmosphere and felt a sensation that something was wrong.

My body wouldn’t move. It wasn’t paralysis, but more like something holding my limbs tightly with strong force.

As I stammered in confusion, the queen who had been staring at me intently lowered her gaze and sighed as if lamenting.

“My lady, you are such a kind person. I am forever cursed for doing such things to someone like you, who has the safety of her child at heart, but as a parent, I can do whatever it takes.”

What on earth is she talking about?

“Everyone thinks I was just a slave-born woman, but I wasn’t a normal dancer like those commonly found in the continent. It may be difficult for you to understand, but to put it simply, I was a dancing priestess who performed rituals offering sacrifices to the gods, or a shaman in this country’s terminology.”

What the?

“Just being a slave-born heretic was already terrible, but being a priestess who worshipped heretic gods was even worse. Despite that, my husband still…”

It was no use thrashing about.

I was in a complete state of panic.

“And so, I decided to forget everything about my past. Yes, as you know, I swore loyalty to the Holy God and converted, even receiving baptism. Sometimes, I still dance alone to relieve stress, but it was nothing more than an exercise to imitate my old habits. All of my past is tied up with the oath of conversion, so if I were to use even a fraction of the power of the heretics, those who hold the chalice would know right away. Naturally, I never even thought about it.”

I didn’t say anything.

Nothing came to mind.

Just lost my senses. Completely frozen.

“Crying for help or shouting won’t do any good. Nobody will hear you.”

“What…?”

“You know very well how my Arien is seen in this country. And who is likely to inherit the next throne. No, it’s already too obvious. The northern region is a dangerous and tough land where all living creatures struggle to survive every day. In this land, strong power and solidarity are not a choice but a means of survival. It’s too obvious that the northern people wouldn’t accept a princess with mixed blood as their ruler, leaving the Omerta couple as heirs.”

“I never wanted that… Neither did he…”

“Duchess, I know you’re not the type of person who would think like that. But can you always say you won’t want it? It’s the nature of human affairs and power that you never know what will happen when circumstances change over time. I know many people have already been dissatisfied with the king because of me. And there are factions who want to enthrone the Omertas no matter what.”

I was about to speak up when my mouth suddenly pursed up.

It was because of the strange conversation I had with Izek inside Rom’s cave.

Izek’s words at that time and the determined look in his eyes because of his decisions…

“Moreover, your husband cares for you all more than anyone else. If his family, friends, colleagues, and comrades all stepped forward to oppose him, what would he do? If he felt like he wanted to give something better to you in the midst of all that persuasion? In my eyes, he is capable of doing all that. If that happens, isn’t my daughter’s fate already clear?”

“Even if- even if such an unthinkable thing were to happen, we would never abandon the princess…”

I barely opened my mouth when a painful and dull sensation continued spread throughout my body. Her lemon-colored irises, stained with guilt and sadness, suddenly sparked with flames.

“You can say that because you don’t know what kind of people they really are, how cold and terrifying they can be. Not to mention the old Duke Omerta, even the old Duchess never looked at Arien. Even though it’s natural for me to be rejected, she’s the daughter of a concubine who was cherished by the king, and yet they never even gave her a proper glance. Knowing full well what the situation will be, they still act like that! If they had been even slightly different, Arien’s position would not be the same as it is today.”

Even in the midst of my cloudy mind, my frustration built up.

Who are you blaming now for all the responsibilities that your husband didn’t handle properly?

Why are you blaming the Omertas for that?

They are already struggling to keep themselves together after experiencing such a terrible and tragic loss in their family, each trying to protect themselves in their own way to minimize the pain. And in the midst of that, you expect them to take responsibility for what you did?

While your husband made no effort to help and only made countless excuses?

“And so what is it now…?”

“You are the Princess from Romagna. And His Holiness the Pope will have no objections to the fact that his daughter and son-in-law rule the north. I really didn’t know what to do. His Majesty always tells me not to worry, but if things continue like this, our daughter will eventually… But it was none other than the princess herself who provided me with a solution.”

She stood up and began to pace around the table.

As she did, an indescribable black smoke began to rise around me.

More accurately, the force that was tightly wrapped around me was revealing its true form