Chapter 103 - Why are you making such a pained face?
The two-day long massacre ended so quickly that I wondered if it had ever started at all.
Now, the loud and boisterous rejoicing of the crowd, growing in intensity, felt somewhat empty.
Between all the flowers, handkerchiefs, confetti, crosses, flags, and other objects being thrown into the arena, one silver-haired knight, lying in the middle of the flat ground and breathing hard, slowly raised his body.
His chest heaved as he plunged his sword into the dirt and leaned on it. The healers came out and hurried to reach him.
“Izek! Izek! Izek!”
“I love you! I love you, Sir knight!”
“The best knight in the North! The best knight in the North!”
The crowd’s excitement grew as mine withered. I fell back into my seat with a thud, sighing. The solemn and dull feeling in my chest came back.
Even if things had changed from what I knew of the original novel, it still ended exactly the same as it had been written.
The world’s main character, Izek van Omerta, won the Gladiatorial Match once again.
The cheers grew even louder. Yes, that’s how it should be.
“Ruby, I thought you’d be happier.”
Are you telling me to control my expression? I clenched my jaw, trying my hardest not to say something damning, but when I turned my head and glared at the person sitting next to me, that shameless man looked so irritatingly calm, that I couldn’t help but scoff.
“Should I be dancing with joy right now?”
“… I just thought you’d be in a hurry to meet him.”
“I never could have imagined what type of surprises would come out, but it’s obvious that he would have won either way, right? I don’t know who came up with the idea of bringing Cardinal Richie, but you certainly know how to make one enjoy the festival. Why didn’t you bring more?”
“There aren’t many cardinals who killed themselves,” Cesare smirked and leaned closer. “We were all worried about what type of entertainment would be appropriate to replace the Frost Dragon that mysteriously disappeared, since we were all expecting him.”
I gazed at him for a long time after that dig, trying to figure out what he meant by that. How much did he know? What was he trying to tell me? Should I just laugh?
He made me nervous, but I still gave him a soft smile. “You must be really happy to see your gift to him be the one to lead him to victory. Everyone would think you’re his wife, not me.”
The staring competition between me and Cesare continued on for a while as the whistling and cheering grew more unruly.
The Northerners’ patriotism must be at an all-time high. I could feel their shouts reverberating in my ears and I turned away from Cesare, watching as Izek was surrounded by healers and kneeling in front of the balcony where the King of Britannia was seated.
I was curious about what kind of faces they were all making. Izek, King Feanol, Duke Omerta and Ellenia too. They’d be bursting with pride, wouldn’t they? I should have been sitting right next to them.
“Ruby, you don’t have to worry about a single thing.”
My eyebrows twitched. What kind of random line was this? This jerk seemed to be very determined to capture my attention today.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about your husband. He will… Don’t worry, I won’t let him do anything to you.”
His deep and dark eyes, the color of shimmering sapphires, glistened with a strange light.
I was so speechless that I almost lost all reasoning.
Was he really insane? I had always known that he was a bit mentally shaken and unstable, but he seemed to be really losing it this time. How could he say such a thing? What was he thinking? I already knew that Cesare was a man with no common sense and was cruel and had no consideration for anyone but himself, but I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
I couldn’t believe that he was mentioning what happened yesterday, that he was mentioning it right here with everyone from Romagna around us, that he was looking at me as if his heart was broken.
Was he serious? Was I seeing things? Was he trying to reassure me? Was he trying to tell me he was going to protect me? Him?
What was even more ridiculous was the fact that he did not seem to be joking at all. It was clear in his eyes, he was telling me the truth. He wanted to protect me from my husband’s anger. The anger he’d feel from finding out his wife cheated on him. With her brother.
I really couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that he was telling me this. That he was acting like he had done nothing wrong. As if it was me that had kissed him. As if it was me that was in the wrong. As if it was all my fault.
Did he not care what we looked like to the public at all? Was he not aware of the gravity of the situation? Was he not aware of what he did yesterday, not at all?
I must be dreaming. This must be a hallucination. Someone must have casted a spell. I was so overwhelmed with the feeling of panic, of dread and fear, that tears began to well up from frustration.
This man, my brother, kissed me on his own, destroyed all of my dreams, my safe haven, crushed it into the dirt and stomped all over it, but he was telling me that he would protect me? And then looking at me with such wistful eyes?
My hands trembled and I couldn’t swallow back the tears that were about to fall. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t.
Until I heard the sound of hoofbeats coming closer.
The strongest knight in the North sat proudly on a pure white stallion, the picture-perfect symbol of victory.
In one hand, he held the holy sword that had led him to glory, and at the end of it was a wreath of flowers, woven with golden roses and dazzling gemstones. It was the Flower of Glory given to the champion of the Gladiatorial Match.
In an instant, abruptly and suddenly, all of the cheering stopped and it became silent.
I blinked and gazed at my husband, the champion, dressed in gold-plated and black-colored armor, sitting on his magnificent horse and I admired his blood-stained face, tears staining my eyes.
His familiar, beautifully red ones held an emotion I knew all too well.
My heart hurt.
Why are you making such a pained face?
Why do you look so tired? What’s so painful?
Did you find out?
You knew it for a while now, right? All day? Maybe since yesterday?
I don’t look so pretty anymore, do I?
What is it like, seeing a witch in the place of someone you thought was a princess? Do you want to kill me? Do you just want to end it all, right here and right now?
I won’t hold it against you. I deserve it. So you have my blessing.
I tried, I tried as hard as I could to give him one last true smile. Weak and trembling and with my heart bleeding for all to see, but I still gave him the sweetest smile I could give.
I certainly thought that he would glare at me, that he would sneer at me and scoff and curse and reject me just like he had done during that first week that we met. I thought I was hallucinating, that I had finally lost my mind, because he did none of those things.
Instead, Izek gave me a sweet smile of his own in return.
I must have been deluding myself, I wasn’t in the right state of mind after all, but the wreath he dropped at my feet was, without a doubt, no delusion.
Feeling numb, I bent over and picked it up. The golden roses and sparkling jewels shone brightly.
The sound of him sheathing his sword felt distant.
A thousand questions ran through my head and I couldn’t answer a single one of them.
When I raised my head to look at him, confused and scared and wondering if this was a dream I’d soon wake up from, the emotions in his beautiful eyes were so clear to me.
Something small inside me broke to pieces. I realized it, then. I finally realized it.
It had been right in front of me. The thing I had been too scared to even dream of, the thing I thought I would never experience in my entire life, my death, and my second life.
The very thing that most people spend their whole lives searching for, the thing that they write songs about, they write stories and books and create fairytales and folklore, all in the hope of finding that miracle for themselves one day.
I love him.
It was so clichéd.
How could he still look at me like that, even when he knew what I did? How could he still see me as his perfect princess? How could he not hate me? How could he not be disgusted by me? How could he do that to me? How could he still make me feel like I was the only one in this entire coliseum, even when everything was falling apart around me?
Because he loved me too.
Why didn’t I realize it before? And why was my vision blurring? How dare he make me cry in front of all these people.
The crowd went wild again as the band began playing the victory fanfare. All of the noise and the music merged together and filled the stadium.
The tears that I had been trying to hold back for a while now finally came pouring down my cheeks. I didn’t know whether they were tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of misery or whether they were all of them.
It was fine, though. I was known for having a lot of tears anyway.
I saw him hesitate to turn his horse around, his eyes unsure yet hopeful. He needed to circle around the arena, to receive all of the crowd’s praises.
I wanted to get up and jump over the balustrade, right into his embrace. I wanted to reassure him and put my arms around his neck. I wanted to bury my nose in his hair and hang on to his wide shoulders.
I wanted to hold on to the strong arms that had always protected me and saved me, from the very first moment that we first met. I wanted to be with the one that had given me something that no one else had ever given me before.
But I couldn’t do that. Not yet. There were still problems I had to deal with.
Because I was a terrible and selfish woman. A wretched soul that had used him and his feelings as a way to guarantee her life but gained something precious and sacred instead.
You know, Iz, I’m a woman who deserves hatred and contempt. I’m sure I’ll fall into Hell once it is my time to go, but if I can be by your side for a little while longer, just until my life ends, then it doesn’t matter.
For the first time in my life, I have something I want to hold on to.
***
The end of the Gladiatorial Match was met with a grand banquet held in Angvan Palace.
The proud Britannians were lively and cheerful, arrogant and energetic, and the atmosphere was generally pleasant.
There were, however, people who were not cheerful or happy at all. The few of the minority elite of the Knights of Longinus immediately huddled together as soon as they entered the hall.
“I can’t find either of them anywhere! They’re both gone!” Camu exclaimed once he reached the small group of Paladins. He was nervous and his face didn’t look so good. He was not only pale but also a little blue.
“What? Didn’t you meet them in the middle?”
“Me and Galar were in the escort team! When we arrived at the palace, both of us had to stay for the procession!”
Ivan didn’t look so good either. Sweat was dripping down his temples and he was biting his lips bloody. The rest of the knights, who were not aware of what had transpired yesterday, just looked on in confusion.
“Hey, what are you guys talking about? What’s going on?”
“F*ck, this is crazy,” Ivan said. “Oh, I’m going crazy. First off, where is that champion b*stard right now? Is he still not here yet?”
“Explain what’s going on, you idiots!”
The outburst of the ones left in the dark about yesterday would of course attract some attention from the party-goers standing close. The minority elite of the Knights of Longinus didn’t tend to make a scene out in public.
However, fortunately or unfortunately, most people enjoying the banquet were already boisterous and loud, a little bit drunk and filled with excitement, so not many paid them any attention. Maybe that was the problem.
“My Lady.”
“Ivan…”
Ivan, quickly leaving Camu to deal with their angry colleagues, turned to Ellenia.
She was in the same disheveled state as Ivan. Having been anxiously searching for a certain someone, her face had turned pale with distress once she could not find them.
“You haven’t seen them either?”
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