Chapter 83: Mistaking his fantasy for reality

Yohan and Neriano began their journey of collecting information about the Imperial sorcerer. Everyone they had sought after kept their mouths tightly shut, pretending not to know anything, which ignited Yohan’s keen senses that were much similar to Evan’s. He, too, seemed to have picked up the trail of something shady going on, perhaps that was why he no longer doubted the witch.

Since it didn’t seem possible to trace the bloodline of the Imperial sorcerer, they did not relate any stories about the witch to anyone, and instead made use of books related to the Holy magic. The streets were already howling with whispers about the witch, but Evan, Yohan, and Neriano did not participate in the spreading of rumors and acted as if they didn’t have the slightest interest in the matter.

Evan still brought the maid into his room every night, and just when the shadow disappeared, he would put her to sleep in a separate place other than the maids’ room. Immediately after that, he would then take Neriano to Yohan’s where they had a meeting to exchange any information they found that day.

He recounted to them how he met the witch along with other small stories about her. The more information they knew, the better. In the process, Evan’s feelings were revealed without any heed or doubt to Yohan and Neriano, who both had found it to be unthinkable. They couldn’t fathom that she was such a creature, that she still loved the world, and they certainly couldn’t believe that Evan had been meeting her ever since a young age.

However, Evan simply thought that their speculations arose from the fact that Yohan and Neriano did not meet Nyx, and thus, couldn’t understand, for the memories they had and the struggles they went through together had made their shared time more warm, beautiful, and serene. Would this not be called love?… Yes, she was a woman whom one could not help but love.

Furthermore, at that time, he was as good as dead. It was no exaggeration to say that he went to the tower of the witch to die. Instead, he came back to life when he met her. After receiving a new name, he started a new life. How can she not be everything to him when she was the woman who gave him a new heart? Losing her meant losing everything. Wouldn’t doing everything in his power to win her be but a natural consequence?

She was everything to him.

There were numerous books in the palace, but for some reason, stories about the Imperial sorcerer were extremely rare. Neriano said that the Imperial sorcerer was indeed a secretive figure, but this level of lack of information was alarming. One would wonder how it could be so scarce.

They met the limit to the knowledge depicted in the books eventually, hence why Neriano and Yohan began searching and meeting up with people who were related to the Imperial Sorcerer. The emperor was told that it was all in favor of teaching Evan, he acquiesced since there was nothing they could do to harm him even if they sought those people out.

Neriano approached the said people pretending to seek information about the Holy magic. But little did they know, he was in fact, secretly collecting data about the Imperial Sorcerer. However, it was easier said than done, the most urgent of his concerns was the fact that being open about his inquiries would draw the witch’s unsolicited attention, and even if that weren’t the case, the information he originally had on the Imperial Sorcerer was scarce, to say the least, which made it hard for him to even formulate proper questions.

Eventually, they were left with a sole choice; having Evan deliberately catch the witch’s attention instead.

He had many questions stored, and in return, she had many secrets none of which could be revealed easily, but it was better than not attempting anything. As soon as it was decided, Evan went to Nyx instead of Yohan that night under the deep blue sky of the late-night view.

Transporting into the Tower, he glimpsed Nyx’s serene appearance, calmly leaning against the wall. Evan approached her, taking carefully nimble steps. He has seen her face many times before, but she always had a puzzled and complicated expression that made her seem uncomfortable, unlike the expression he was looking at in the present moment.

Not wanting to disturb such a scene, he refrained from calling her name, instead, he crouched in front of her and watched her quietly. It was very dark inside the tower, but that couldn’t block his vision from sensing her white delicate face, mysterious hair, flowery red lips, and eyelashes that had bent in an attractive manner.

Her beauty baffled him. How can she be so delicate, feminine, young, and lovely? In the presence of such raw and innocent beauty engulfed in a blurry atmosphere, one’s mind would be worn out from the sad aura created by it. She was a very strange and mysterious woman, and just the idea of touching her was enough to make him anxious. Yet, at the same time, he wanted to hold her in his arms, which had caused a possessive desire to rise within him to the point that he didn’t want to give her up to anyone.

The battle raging within him came to end. The victor; his own desire. And so, he embraced her as if he would never let go.

He longed for her. He has been eagerly waiting for the day they’ll meet again. And since there was no end to a human’s greed, he also yearned to touch her when the meeting occurs. He didn’t know what else he would want next should this desire be fulfilled, but it was a burden too heavy to bear or to even think of its consequences. He raised his hand and caressed her cheek, letting the soft feeling of her skin linger on his fingertips.

A simple gesture. A stretched-out hand that stroked her face. The moment it happened, he desperately wanted to wrap her in his arms in order to relish the feeling of her skin along with her body’s temperature against his. However, if he gets to do that, he’d want to explore her wondrous body from head to toe next. Heaven knows what more he’d want after he’s done that.

As he swept her cheeks with his thumb again, her trembling black eyelashes moved slowly. Eyes with chestnut color appeared under the rich and lustrous eyelashes. They were very calm and deep, yet strangely transparent. Her misty eyes trembled as soon as they met his, betraying her bafflement and then quickly disguising it. It concealed her transparency like dark clouds. She had an excellent ability to hide her innermost thoughts.

Still, he thought to himself that he was very satisfied that the beautiful eyes were aimed toward him, so he smiled without realizing it.

“What, are you awake already?”

He lowered his gaze to her cheek and lightly caressed it with his thumb before making eye contact with her bottomless orbs again.

“Nyx, I’m here.”

But Nyx only stared at him without saying a word. Evan called her name again.

“Nyx.”

It was a name that made him feel anxious. It was a name that’s been scattered into the air as he had called it countless times. He wanted to have it, but couldn’t. It was a name that made him frustrated and drove him mad.

She held Evan’s hand, still stroking her cheek after a while. She hurriedly clasped her cool, thin hand that touched his own. The feeling of being held by her hand was very satisfying. It was such a simple act, but he felt as if he had held her in an eternal fast embrace.

“Aren’t you going to welcome me?”

She was the one to greet him when he was young. She wouldn’t fathom how happy it had made him, nor the overwhelming feeling of having one’s existence recognized. It was the first time someone had accepted him, and now, that someone happened to be the same person who had been pushing him away.

Even though she accepted him only to push him away again, he couldn’t forget that she was always warm toward him and hugged him. A memory that cannot be resurrected now, for there seemed to be an invisible barrier surrounding her. A hard, cold wall that would not let him in.

She was oblivious to the amount of anxiety he was battling. He felt like she would vanish at any given moment. After starting to lose hope of having her around again, he suspected himself to mistake his fantasy for reality.

A torment that he went through the last time he met her and now again. Even though she was in his arms, he still wasn’t certain she was there. She eventually shook her head and pulled her hand away from his, signaling a clear rejection.

Evan grabbed her hand again with an urgent clasp. He didn’t want to miss it. He didn’t want to lose it. He wanted to believe that they were together again.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“…Evan.”

“Tell me, Nyx.”

“Why do you keep coming here?”

“Why do you keep telling me not to come?”

He already knew the reason himself. Nyx wanted him to be a warrior for her sake, and he couldn’t achieve that if he chose to stay with her. It used to be difficult to understand in the past, but in the present, he had no choice but to accept the truth.

He too made it clear. She would stay in the tower, then he’d come to her anytime he could. How long had he been waiting for that day, only so she could try so hard to push him away? He didn’t want to stay away anymore. He indeed managed to get through this dreadful time, but if she were to ask him to do it again, he wouldn’t be able to.

Evan barely held back his innermost thoughts and tilted his head. She had always bowed her head and avoided attention, so he tried to lower himself to look at her. He knew that she was a very caring and affectionate woman who was better than anyone else, so he tried to look desperate and sad.

“I asked you to wait here because I’d do what you told me to do. If I could use my strength, then I can come to see you anytime. So I only hoped and worked hard for that. But what about you, Nyx, why are you pushing me away ?”

“But, Evan—”

“I know, it’s not like you don’t understand what I’m thinking. Nyx, let me ask you one thing.”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want me to be a warrior? Do you want to save the world?”

What on earth did this woman want? If he could figure that out, he might find a way to get hold of her at last.

“I know you’re going to save this world. You are getting closer to the future I foresaw. I’ve dreamed of it a long time ago, and that’s all I want from you. But Evan, this place is nothing but poison to you. You shouldn’t come here to do what you want. I think you probably know why, that’s what I believe, anyway.”

“Is that all you want from me? Becoming a warrior?”

“Yes.”

Nyx only repeated that she wanted to save the world by making Evan a warrior. So he couldn’t figure out what the hell she could get from it. What will she do if the world changes? That would be the end of his mission, so he would not have to be around anymore, would he?

When he was young, he only said yes to her wishes, “Be a warrior,” but now he doesn’t even know what a warrior was. To change the world was impossible on one’s own. Even Yohan, the Knight Commander who had such strong and bright eyes, would not bet his life and death against monsters.

“What should I do to become a warrior? What the hell is this warrior that you’re talking about?”

“Light up the world by the Emperor’s side. As you may know, there is a lingering threat that haunts the world. You will drive out the Darkness and become the new hope.”

Evan had never considered the witch to be a threat to the world. This was simply because, with her power, she wouldn’t need to use such a difficult method to get it done. What was more, it was no other than Nyx herself who taught him the fact that he was the greatest threat to her existence, so the devilish villain they speak of couldn’t have been her.

So, who is this unknown person doing evil deeds while impersonating the witch? Did Nyx anticipate that and raised him to save the world from such an existence? So that we can do it?

But what the hell will that get her? Did she just purely and genuinely love the world?

But alas, he exclaimed in vain, for there was no answer to his questions in sight. He felt like he was spinning around in empty circles. He did not seek revenge, what he sought from her was the termination of his mission, so what could he do to have her? What the hell were they going to do?

His thoughts were driving him mad, but all he did was laugh and say,

“Well, that’ll be enough. That’s all Nyx wants from me anyway, right? Then I will do what you want.”

If she wanted him to stay with the Emperor, he would. Even if she were to tell him to fight an unknown being, he would do that. If she wanted, he could kill the person who made her do this, or he could burn the world. No matter what she wanted.

As long as she needed him.

As long as she was there for him.

“Then, Nyx, you have to do what I want.”

His statement was met with Nyx’s questioning dark eyes. There has always been one thing he dearly wanted, but she didn’t seem to know it. Or maybe she was just pretending to be oblivious.

“Don’t push me away.”

‘Don’t reject me. Please stay with me. I’m really going mad. I’m afraid of you abandoning me. I’m afraid of never seeing you again.’

“Always stay here. So that I can come and see you anytime.”

“Evan.”

“I’ll do what you want, so why don’t you listen to what I want?”

“…You’ll have a hard time.”

The caring and soft-hearted Nyx eventually showed signs of shaking. Just in case she would miss it, Evan said in a hurry.

“I don’t care, Nyx. I can come without anyone knowing. You just need to stay here. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll do everything you want. I will try to achieve it through me.”

Maybe Evan’s earnest heart worked, but Nyx eventually nodded.

“…Yes.”

He barely managed to grab hold of her with an anxious mind once more, but that was more than enough for him.

The moon would always be here, even if he couldn’t see it above the clouds. So he had to find a way to catch it before it disappeared, once and for all.

No matter what.

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